I don't know why

Just like father said, "everyone will be with you during the good times, is the bad ones when they'll go".

Breathe.

What if I'm not made for this?
What if I fucked up?
What if I finally feel regret?

Regret is something I have only felt with university. Psychology, Advertising, Public Relations, is all the same shit, the same mentality of getting a good grade.
And it's me, it's me the one who isn't good enough.

Good enough.
Fucking words have screwed me over and over.
At 10,
At 15,
At 18,
At 21,
23 years later.

People kept saying "You were meant to great things in life". What if my main great thing is just waking up every morning? Isn't that enough?

Oh lord, Heaven knows we belong way down below.

I've confused myself in between languages, words with a feeling I can not describe in English and forgot how to say in Spanish.

What if all of these was just an excuse to be away, to be in a new country, what if that's what I really want to do, travel. Jump off planes and buildings, cross rivers, climb mountains, be with just a camera somewhere in the world. What if I want a break from the social media, the internet and the "You are as good as number" mentality. If it's not your weight then it's your marks or grades, or how many points you have for the visa. How many years have you worked, how many did you study, how many jobs have you had, how many , how
m
a
n
y


I still have 425 days to finish this degree, around 31 weeks in Sydney. Does it matter?

The constant feeling  I could have stayed, taken the job and save money to quit it all in a year. In 425 days.

My mind rumbles around everything, my life flashes like a movie, my boyfriend keeps getting first row special tickets to the show, my parents are the ones filming. I'm dancing like a monkey waiting for them to clap.

My dreams are not around how many. My dreams are feelings, images, landscapes and places. I want to see mountains, different cultures, sunsets. I want to feel lost, to found myself in the middle of nowhere, in a town in a language I can't pronounce.

Miss Nowhere.

I need a haircut, a new color, a new name, a new country. I want my cats, my parents and him. But I'll apologize in advance, this could not be my life.

(Don't worry, I can't leave yet. Not brave enough)

As everything else in my life, I started this without knowing where it would end.